You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
