Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
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