You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
