Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
My balls are so social today.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
my being single is dangerous.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
