We named our party play list daddy issues
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
