dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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