I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize
