how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
