In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
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