I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Randomize
