Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Randomize
