White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Randomize
