I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
our cab driver is having phone sex.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
