You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
