Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Randomize
