Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
