you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
