I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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