i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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