Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I deserve this hangover.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
