Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Randomize
