farters have to be the big spoon...
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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