Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
