Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
