i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
