sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
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