Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
