her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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