i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
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