I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
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