i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
