So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize
