He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
You ate ashes out of my bong
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
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