I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
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