I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
