It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
