he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
what the fuck happened to the tacos
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
