the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
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