You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Randomize
