Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
