Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
