the new term for farting is butt boxing.
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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