walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
