I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
