i don't like sucking hair
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
