I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Randomize
