ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
pray to the hookup gods
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
