he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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