Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Randomize
