I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Randomize
