Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
